


oh, baby it's you

by 95liners



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: ANY POTENTIAL TRIGGERS WILL BE TAGGED IN THE FORE NOTE DW, Canon Compliant, Gen, drabbles abt my boys yuta johnny n taeyong, i write it so it can be taken either way tbh but i mean its Meant to be platonic, non linear, platonic or not ur choice, srry i forget to add the times u kinda gotta guess, the friends who could kiss n be chill tbh, yujohntae, yujohnyong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:41:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9250682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/95liners/pseuds/95liners
Summary: out of all 15 nct members, yuta, johnny and taeyong boast one of the closest relationships.





	1. ;late

**Author's Note:**

> i started off with one idea for this story, and it took a huge roundabout
> 
> idk where the whole "gauge how late u are w jaeyong" came from but here u go
> 
> ignore any inconsistencies
> 
> and the summary is not actual stated fact , like obviously yujohnyong are amazing but still

Yuta quietly shut the door to the dorm, the digital clock on the kitchen wall displaying a flashing 1:27am. He’d been out late, finishing some late filming and a meeting with the manager, and was ready to collapse and sleep for 4 days.

First, however, he had to check exactly how late he was.

The entire dorm - a massive dorm, seeing as they’re housing 15 boys, ranging in ages 23 to 15 - installed a system on seeing how late you were, not long after NCT-U debuted. (It was supposed to be an incentive to get back earlier, but some people turned it into a competition).

It all started when Hansol, a notorious night-owl who stayed up late and woke up randomly in the middle of the night, noticed how late Taeyong and Jaehyun would get back at night. The two most popular members from NCT-U - excluding Mark, who wasn’t allowed out late due to his age - normally had a lot of activities after schedules at the company, and Taeyong, who was a masochist, often stayed behind to practice extra. After this happened for a week, including an almost-breakdown from Taeil when Jaehyun collapsed during a practice and Taeyong threw up from lack of sustenance, the others started a system - if you were later than Jaehyun, you were pretty late, but if you were later than _Taeyong_ , then you were _late_ , and you would have to suffer a lecture from both Taeil and Hansol. (After that was added, people consciously tried to get back earlier.)

Yuta toed off his shoes, undoing his scarf as he made his way into the living room, avoiding strewn shoes and a jacket - one that was definitely Taeyong’s. When he entered the living room, his suspicions were confirmed when he saw the black tuft of hair on the armchair, shallow breathing soft in the room. The Japanese man moved over to stand in front of the couch, looking at the other in front of him. Taeyong was curled up in a ball, face half-buried in his arm and the arm of the couch, and was shivering slightly. However, when Yuta moved to touch his arm, warmth radiated back. “Idiot,” Yuta muttered, not unkindly, as he draped his jacket over Taeyong’s lower half.

He moved into the kitchen again, already fumbling for the leftover dinner he knew Johnny left them and the painkillers left in the medicine cabinet. Discarding Johnny’s note about the food - (“ _to keep ur fatasses healthy ily to the moon xoxo - johnny_ ”) and sticking the container in the microwave, Yuta poured a glass of water and dropped the two soluble tablets in - they had soluble because Doyoung was terrified of pills and refused to take them - before heading back into the living room, crouching down to gently nudge Taeyong awake.

“Taeyong … Taeyongie …” Yuta pressed against the other’s warm shoulder softly, the Korean slowly waking up. He coughed violently, burying his face in his hands, and shivered before focusing on Yuta.

“Yuta …?” Taeyong’s voice was croaky and hoarse, a sign of sleep and sickness. Yuta helped him sit up, before pushing the glass into his hands.

“You actually need to eat, and take medicine, because you’re getting sick. Come here,” he added, grasping Taeyong’s free arm and helping him up, his arm moving to gently, but firmly, tighten around the male’s waist. “I’ve got your dinner heating up for you - you’re lucky I’m tired enough that I’m in a good mood.”

* * *

 

Yuta woke up to soft snickering, the sound of a phone camera going off and Taeyong’s warmth on top of him, his face tucked into the crook of Yuta’s neck. On top of it all, Yuta could also feel the beginning fuzziness of a cold. Taeyong shifted, still asleep, and Yuta just managed to manoeuvre his head to open his eyes, staring at the others.

Currently, Johnny and Ten were standing in front of him, Ten's phone still out and Johnny holding the jackets and scarves both Yuta and Taeyong had discarded that night.

“Hyung, where were you last night?” Ten, a Grade A asshole - he knew exactly where Yuta was. He also knew that Yuta got home later than Taeyong, due to that fact that the Thai dancer was the one who had to collect Taeyong when he collapsed at the company, showing signs of a cold. “Eat shit,” Yuta muttered, ignoring Ten's quiet protests and pulling the blanket someone (Johnny) had draped over them closer.

“Do we have any schedules today?” Johnny shook his head, shoving the Thai out of the room to go and find some food, sitting down next to the Japanese man.

“No, I think manager-hyung cancelled after Taeyongie came home early, plus knowing how late you were out. Plus, it’s not like you guys had much - you finished your promotions last week, anyway.” Johnny carded his fingers softly through Taeyong’s hair, the younger nuzzling closer to Yuta sleepily, before petting Yuta’s head and standing up.

“I’ll get you some breakfast for later to heat up, and I’ll duck out to get some more medicine,” Johnny called back, Yuta thanking every deity he could think of for the wonder that was Johnny Suh.

Leaning back on the couch, he pulled Taeyong closer and let sleep claim him.


	2. ;homesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuta and johnny aren't robots, despite what sm thinks - they have emotions, and they get homesick and miss their families. luckily, their best friend is lee taeyong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED:
> 
> im not writing any Official romance for them - i dont think this is the story for the ot3 to be Romantical n all (i cant see it in this particular fic) but theyre so close theyre literally taken romantically anyway
> 
> theyre those friends that could deadass kiss each other n be chill w it , yknow.
> 
> ANYWAY I LOVE THEM AND I LOVE THE DYNAMICS BYE

Despite what some people ( ~~coughDoyoungcough~~ ) have said, you can’t take the Mother Country out of the man.

Johnny and Yuta feel that saying in their soul.

Johnny loves Korea, and so does Yuta, but they miss their homes as well, especially when you’re up late at night from stress about debuting, or not debuting, or when you’re being yelled at for some asinine mistake during practices. Moments like those make the American and Japanese wonder, “ _is it really worth it?_ ”

This is where Lee Taeyong comes into the mix.

* * *

 

“Ya- _Ten_! Get your sweaty hands _away_!” Taeyong damn near screeched, smacking the Thai’s hand away from a steaming pot of food, with a tray of more food next to it. Said dancer whined, flopping back into a kitchen chair.

“Hyung! Why are you hoarding food? I haven’t eaten!” Ten whined, letting his head thump back against the table. Taeyong ignored his complaints, turning back to make sure the food wasn’t burning.

“That’s your own fault,” he murmured, already focusing back on the food, hands moving like clockwork as he moved about the kitchen, grabbing ingredients and cooking utensils. He was so focused, he didn’t even notice someone behind him, until he turned around to come face-to-face with a snaggle tooth and an innocent grin.

Sicheng.

“Hyung! What are you doing?” Taeyong was so weak for this boy, and he was sure that the younger Chinese member knew it.

“I-I’m cooking, Sichengie - _please_ don’t sneak up behind me again, I almost stabbed you.” Ten cackled in the background as Sicheng pouted, stepping back.

“Okay, hyung, but be careful - your pot is boiling and the other … stuff seems to be burning.”

“ _SHIT_!”

Three hours, and a lecture from Taeil about bad language later ( _which doesn’t even make sense, seeing as Mark kept swearing around Jisung anyway_ ), Taeyong finally finished his cooking, minutes before the door opened, Nakamoto Yuta yelling a greeting as he pulled off his jacket, scarf and shoes.

“I’m home!”

“Shut up, I’m studying, hyung!”

“Stop talking out your ass, Donghyuck, you're playing Candy Crush!” Yuta made his way over to where Taeyong was washing up some pots and boards, pinching his waist before circling an arm around him.

“Hey, Yongi- is that …?” Yuta’s voice trailed off, eyes widening at Taeyong. The Korean nodded, using his head to motion to a plate left on the counter, a small towel covering the top.

“I had to keep it warm, and out of the hands of Doyoung and Ten, so I _expect_ some thanks,” Taeyong quipped, albeit jokingly as he wiped his hands and moved to stand behind Yuta, who was currently in awe at the sight in front of him. Taeyong - sweet, caring Taeyong - must’ve heard his prayers ( ~~or his soft sniffles and rants to Johnny at night~~ ) because, in front of Yuta, was his favourite food, takoyaki.

“This is …?” Yuta was already reaching for chopsticks, Taeyong picking up the plate to set it on the table, inadvertently leading the younger male as well.

“Yeah,” Taeyong said, stepping back so Yuta could dig into the meal. Taking the discarded towel from the other, Taeyong left the kitchen with Yuta’s delighted grin replaying in his head.

That night, when Taeyong was in his bed, trying to fall off to sleep, he could hear Yuta climbing into his bed across the room, a soft “thanks, Taeyongie,” the last thing he heard before drifting off.

* * *

 

Johnny loved the others, he really did, but he still wondered if he would’ve done better staying in Chicago.

He’d been a trainee for 8 years now - _8 years!_ \- and there was still no sign of an imminent debut in his future. Even the MiniRookies, dubbed as such, debuted before him - but Johnny held no malice towards them. Seeing Jisung almost cry out of happiness in the dorms, Jaemin yelling in happiness and Sicheng embracing both Chenle and Renjun was enough to knock any negativity out of his being, but he still wished that SM would consider him for a debut soon.

 _Please_.

It wasn’t hard for the insecurities to start flowing, especially due to the fact he was one of the oldest members, and trained for the longest, but was still confined to the dorms as a rookie. He missed his family, too, so much, and almost flew back a few times, if it wasn’t for the others.

Taeyong had just gotten back from about 3 hours of constant filming, and his back was aching and all he wanted a warm shower, but he was, unfortunately, ambushed by none other than Jung Jaehyun as soon as he walked through the door.

“Hyung!” Jaehyun grabbed his arm, tugging him into the kitchen, causing a soft whine of pain from the older male. Taeyong leant against the counter, taking off his jacket and laying it on the table.

“What’s the matter, Jaehyunie? Unless someone’s dying, I’m not interested,” Taeyong added, cracking the bones in his fingers, before standing up straight. He did, however, notice the serious glint in Jaehyun’s eyes, his attention focusing on the younger now.

“It’s Johnny hyung - he’s really sad again, and I, we …” Jaehyun, bless his soul, was too much of a bleeding heart, especially with Johnny Suh, and seeing his American hyung so visibly distraught was enough to hurt him. Taeyong noticed the tears building in the other’s eyes, and he reached forward to stroke his hair softly, already on his way to Johnny’s room.

“It’s alright, Hyunie, just start getting some food ready, please?” With that, Taeyong quietly opened the door to Johnny’s room and shut it behind him, already noticing the large lump on one of the beds. He also saw a stuffed pokemon at the foot of the bed - Yuta must’ve dropped by before Taeyong, as the Charizard plushie was none other than Taeyong’s himself, and only Yuta would dare take it, as it was such an important object to Taeyong. Taeyong didn’t say a word as he walked up to Johnny, sitting on the side of the bed and moving to gently pull a bit of the blanket down. Doing so revealed the top of Johnny’s head, hair plastered to his forehead from liquid - tears or sweat?

Taeyong managed to shift the blanket further down, until Johnny’s red-rimmed, teary eyes met with Taeyong’s. “Johnny …” Taeyong immediately opened the blanket to slide underneath, turning the older male to face him and wrap an arm around him. “Why?”

Johnny inhaled shakily, one lanky arm also wrapping around Taeyong’s slim (way too slim) waist and pulling him closer.

“Why can’t I stop feeling useless, Tae? SM basically treats me like dirt, I have little to no schedule besides practice every day - why do I stay?” His voice broke, but Johnny kept speaking, feeling Taeyong’s fingers trace on his back.

There was silence until Taeyong spoke next, voice soft and gentle.

“You’re here because we need you, Johnny - you’ve been here longer than us, but you not debuting isn’t always a bad thing. You know so much more than us, in terms of technique. We just know how to look good on stage and not ruin the image of NCT - which I’ve already done-” Johnny whined softly in protest, but Taeyong continued. “You have so much to teach us when you debut, and you have so much to learn, so much we can teach you. I know Jaehyun-ah is dying to teach you some lines so he can get out of singing as much, and Sicheng probably wants you to attempt that flip of his,” Taeyong grinned at the other, even though he couldn’t see it.

“We need you, Johnny, and that’s why you stay. Because you know NCT needs you.”

When Yuta opened the door an hour later, holding two steaming bowls of dinner in each hand, and Johnny’s favourite DVD in his mouth, he came upon the sight of Taeyong and Johnny, fast asleep in each other’s arms, tear tracks drying on the American’s face. Setting the dinner down on the table, Yuta pressed a soft kiss to both males’s temples, before leaving the room, and leaving the two to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my longest yeah boy ever.
> 
> THESE THREE ARE SO CUTE IM WEAK GOODBYE


	3. ;texting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the nct gc can get wild (no thanks to one johnny suh)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR SUCH LACK OF UPDATING, BUT SCHOOL AND YR 11 AND DRAMA.
> 
> but im BACK and BETTER THAN EVER.
> 
> and im back w my forte, text fics . also, sorry if the texting styles dont seem very in character i ddint try my best but i had fun
> 
> loveualll

“So, do all the members have a group chat? What’s that like?”

“Well … it’s always interesting …”

 

 

**_08.43, Tuesday_ **

**_“nerd culture technology”_ **

_tytrack **:** wake up_

_tytrack **:** and johnny stop changing the chat name_

_suhddy **:** never man_

_strony: Can you all please be quiet, we have a day off today._

_tytrack: we do???_

_suhddy: not u bby u always have a job_

_manlyman: when will our husband return from war, johnathan?_

_suhddy: its been a year since our boy, lee taeyong, died_

_tytrack: IM IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU_

_manlyman: sometimes we can still hear his voice_

_strony: You guys … are in the same room._

_suhddy: obviously hyung lmao_

_manlyman: johnny ambushed ty n i last night_

_suhddy: they were getting ~freaky_

_tytrack: ignore them taeil hyung_

_tytrack: i was watching anime w yuta_

_strony: …_

_strony: I’m going back to sleep. Good luck with your schedules, Taeyong, and get some sleep, the other two._

_suhddy: come back to me yuta :((_

_manlyman: on my way boo ;)_

_tytrack: oh god_

**_10.26, Tuesday_ **

**_“nerd culture technology”_ **

_makeurmark: johnny hyung pls stop teaching yuta hyung memes_

_suhddy: never_

_makeurmark: have u heard from ty hyung this morning tho??_

_suhddy: hes out makin money, providing for this family_

_manlyman: my s**** da***_

_hchan: oh my god yuta hyung_

_suhddy: hfbrjhsek YUTA_

_strony: What …?_

_manlyman: ull never know taeil hyung_

_jeffrey: yuta hyung pls_

**_10.31, Tuesday_ **

**_“nerd culture technology”_ **

_tytrack: i cant leave u alone for 10 minutes can i , youngho_

_suhddy: no u cannot_

_manlyman: oooh leaders gettin serious he broke out the Youngho_

_suhddy: im shaking_

_tytrack: anyways ._

_tytrack: i regret my choice of friends_

_suhddy: *best friends_

_manlyman: *soulmates_

_suhddy: *people i cant live without_

_tytrack: anyone save me_

_suhddy: can you save_

_manlyman: can you save my_

_suhddy: can you save my_

_manlyman: HEAVYDIRTYSOUL_

_tytrack left “nerd culture technology”_

**_11.19, Tuesday_ **

**_“nerd culture technology”_ **

rabbitdy _added_ tytrack _back to “nerd culture technology”_

rabbitdy _: if_ i _have to suffer, you do too._

**_17.54, Tuesday_ **

**_“nerd culture technology”_ **

****

_tytrack: im gonna be back late everyone_

_tytrack: filmings running late_

_strony: :(_

_makeurmark: u gonna be ok hyung?_

_hchan: dont embarass urself bc ur so tired hyung_

_rabbitdy: jaehyun n_ i _slaved over that hot oven too, ty hyung_

_jeffrey: we’ll save some food hyung_

_tytrack:_ thanks _everyone hopefully ill be back in a few hours_

**_23.57, Tuesday_ **

**_“95liners haven”_ **

_tytrack: i know u two are still up_

_manlyman: ur disrupting johnny n i’s ~love time_

_tytrack: shut up ur watching naruto_

_suhddy: where r u taeyong_

_tytrack: on my way home now thank god_

_manlyman: well we saved nothin for u now goodnight_

_suhddy: theres some stew in the fridge_

_suhddy: n dont worry ur bed is clean and free for u to crash on_

_tytrack: ur both angels_

_manlyman: duh thats why u wrote “angel”_

_manlyman: we were obv ur inspo_

_tytrack: that was the week u locked me in the bathroom_

_tytrack: but seriously. thank u, ill be home soon_

_suhddy: :*_

_manlyman: yh whatever_

**_06.11, Wednesday_ **

**_“nerd culture technology”_ **

_strony sent an image_

_strony: I found them like this when I came to check on Taeyong._

_jeffrey: johnny hyung does have a tendency to cuddle_

_jeffrey: n ty hyung looks so rested_

_strony: Yuta’s neck looks like it’s about to snap, but he must be comfortable to some extent._

_jeffrey: they always look most comfy w each other_

_strony: It’s nice. Really._

_jeffrey: yeah. it is_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologise for lack of sicheng and literally every other member im tryin  
> hope u enjoyed it n ill try to update more
> 
> i tried to write a less angsty chap bc i like some Balance tm and i have angsty ones planned.
> 
> also what did yall think yuta censored comment it


	4. ;texting, pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which taeyong is not built for the cold, and he cares too much (and too little, at the same time).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is basically me too lazy to write a proper fic, so i did it in text format  
> i legit lost the plot halfway through - dunno where i went w it, but im ok  
> youll get a proper chapter soon i promise - i have block exams starting next week, but i only have one so thats lit  
> also my birthday was like 2 weeks ago but i didnt both posting bc i had nothin. it was the 25/02 im 16 i can legally get my license n drive now in aus
> 
> pls love me im a writer we need support

**[BREAKING] NCT’s TAEYONG is seen stumbling home at 4:30am, half conscious!**

 

**What happened to NCT’s TAEYONG Monday night? [Photo attached]**

 

**Is NCT’s TAEYONG okay after photos showing him stumbling back to the NCT dorms?**

 

_ 11.34, Monday _

_ “grudge noises” _

 

_ tytrack: johnny istg if u dont stop making fun of me _

_ suhddy: what u gon do, bby? ;) _

_ manlyman: wtf man _

_ suhddy: o shit sorry bby _

_ tytrack: oh my _

_ tytrack changed the name to “johnnys a hoe” _

_ tytrack: there we go _

_ strony: Oh my God, not you three again _

_ tytrack: bye fam _

_ manlyman: hi hyung _

_ suhddy: im sorry hyung ily _

_ strony: I’m filing for my contract termination again. _

_ rabbitdy: have fun w that hyung and ask whens mine being approved _

  
  


_ 13.43, Monday _

_ “johnnys a hoe” _

 

_ jeffrey: HYUNGSHYUGNS NYUNGS _

_ suhddy: bitch wot _

_ strony: I really do not understand you at times, Johnny Suh. _

_ suhddy: a strength of mine _

_ strony: What’s the matter, Jaehyunie? _

_ jeffrey: first of all johnny hyungs being a BULLY  _

_ suhddy: i will end u _

_ jeffrey: try me _

_ jeffrey: oh yeah and yuta hyung collapsed!! _

_ suhddy: wait whagt _

_ suhddy: text us ur location now _

_ suhddy: im on my way _

_ strony: I’ve never seen him move that fast. Keep him warm, Jaehyun, we’re on our way. _

  
  


_ 23.21, Monday _

_ “johnnys a hoe” _

 

_ tytrack: im back from schedules _

_ tytrack: im stuck at the subway tho manager hyung couldnt take me so i said id catch the subway _

_ tytrack: wait _

_ tytrack: what happened to yuta _

_ tytrack: where ar you guys _

_ tytrack: johnny _

_ tytrack: taeil hyung _

_ tytrack: sicheng jaehyun mark donghyuck doyoung anyone _

  
  


_ 01.32, Tuesday _

_ “johnnys a hoe” _

 

_ suhddy: srry yuta was just really tired _

_ suhddy: hes sleepin hes fine now better tomorrow _

_ suhddy: taeyong? _ _   
_ _ suhddy: ur still not home what happened to the subway _

_ suhddy: lee taeyong its 1am on a tuesday where the hell are you _

_ tytrack: what _

_ tytrack: oh it is _

_ tytrack: subways still down _

_ strony: It’s really cold out, Taeyong. Are you warm and have you eaten? _

_ tytrack: im fine hyungie :) _

_ suhddy: . _

_ tytrack: shut up hoe at least get something hot for me to eat when i come home _

_ suhddy: there he is i missed that _

_ tytrack: theres an announcement on rn brb _

 

_ 01.40, Tuesday _

_ “johnnys a hoe” _

 

_ tytrack: its down for another 2 hours. _

  
  


_ 4.21, Tuesday _

_ “johnnys a hoe” _

 

_ tytrack: fin nally home _

_ tytrack: immm out siide _

_ tytrack: ccan someone oepen the door _

_ tytrack: anyone _

_ tytrack: ncvm i found the sp are kekey _

  
  


It was 4:30am, but Johnny was still awake - barely, but still awake. It was 3 hours since Taeyong had messaged the group, and the Chicago-born was worried; Taeyong was never that built for cold (despite living in Seoul his entire life, he always felt the cold more than others, and his alarmingly receding body mass didn’t help), and the subway station probably wasn’t comfortable. Plus, with Taeyong  unnecessarily  worrying over Yuta, he would be wearing himself down even further. 

 

It was nearing 5:00am, the air warming up ever so slightly, when Johnny heard the fumble of keys in a lock, and the handle turning. He was up on his feet before the door opened, and luckily, because Taeyong just about collapsed into his arms.

 

“Holy sh- Taeyong?” The black-haired male stirred softly, his bag slipping from his grasp, before he weakly pushed himself up. His pale skin was cold to the touch, and his lips were bordering on blue. Johnny immediately slotted an arm around his waist (still too thin) and helped Taeyong into one of the few shared bathrooms in the dorm.

 

“Here, Yongie - I’ll help you shower, and then you can rest. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you have a raging cold after this,” Johnny muttered, helping Taeyong undress as he turned on the shower. He turned the heat up, and assisted Taeyong to sit in the bath. The leader was starting to wake up slightly, as he reached for the sponge and began washing himself.

 

“What happened, Yong-ah?” Johnny asked softly, kneeling down next to the younger male. Taeyong’s head moved to lean against Johnny’s shoulder, eyes closing.

 

“T...The subway broke d-down … really cold. Had to - had to walk back b-because no … no taxis or b-b-buses,” he whispered, teeth chattering. Colour was slowly returning to his lips, but his body still shook. “T-The key … hidden under a mou-mound of snow, and I-I … took me 10 minutes …” Taeyong’s voice trailed off, and he seemed to fall asleep, before waking himself with a violent sneeze.

 

“Okay, buddy, time to come out and get to sleep,” Johnny murmured softly, carding his fingers gently through Taeyong’s wet hair, before hauling him out and wrapping him up in a big, fluffy towel. “Can you dry yourself, whilst I get your clothes?” When Johnny was satisfied that Taeyong wouldn’t keel over, he quickly ducked off to grab, not Taeyong’s, but his own sweatpants, a long sleeved shirt and a huge sweater that would definitely drown Taeyong.

 

A few minutes later found Johnny leading Taeyong to bed, getting in after him and pulling the duvet over the top.

 

“You okay?” Johnny asked, pulling the younger closer and tucking him into his chest. When Taeyong nodded, albeit weakly, Johnny was content enough to rub the other’s back softly, until the two fell asleep.

  
  


It was becoming a common occurrence for Yuta to find both Johnny and Taeyong asleep together - Taeyong got home late, and Johnny stayed up for him. Plus, Johnny loved cuddling, and Taeyong could never say no to anyone ( especially Johnny or Yuta ). 

 

Grinning, Yuta climbed onto the edge of the bed and poked Johnny’s feet, until the tuft of brown hair looked blearily up at the Japanese man.

 

“W-Wha…?” Yuta crossed his legs, propping his face in his hands.

  
“You two are making a habit of cuddling together without me. That needs to change."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo um .. this was a mess but its my mess
> 
> love y all long time bye
> 
> pls dont judge me on this chapter i write better than this i swear


	5. ;insecurities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taeyong isn't a robot, nor is he emotionless.
> 
> he's human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is sadder.
> 
> tw// mentions of taeyong hating himself (he's very upset nd disappointed in himself, but he does say he hates himself)
> 
> i wanted to make sure i tackled the whole issue on his scandal as well as i could w/out glossing over stuff. i dont want to play up or down what happened.
> 
> also, the thing abt it being debunked - im going off that pannchoa article that was released abt how not all of what happened was true
> 
> whatever was true, im not happy with, but i can see it was a decade ago and taeyong is clearly vry sorry abt it. he deserves love now, and support, but that does not mean im in any way condoning any of the things he did, indeed, do
> 
> pls let me know (constructively, please. insults do nothing) if i handled this in any way wrong, or if theres anything i should change
> 
> this is a more serious chapter and i intend to treat it that way.

Despite what everyone says, Taeyong isn’t a robot. He’s not emotionless, he does process feelings like any human being, and he does care what people say about him.

 

Sometimes, people just forget that, because he looks cold and calculating, or because he’s not as outgoing as Ten and Johnny, or as funny as Donghyuck. Taeyong’s worked his  _ ass _ off to get to where he is, which didn’t always include socialising (he’s much better now, however).

 

People have a tendency to say whatever they want when they think no one’s listening, even if there’s someone clearly nearby, and they won’t hold back. Taeyong has heard multiple criticisms about him - not from any of his fellow NCT members, even when they were rookies, but from random trainees who’ve rarely said hello to him. Even though Taeyong can assume they’re just jealous because he’s already slated to be the leader of an NCT unit, and essentially be the unofficial general leader, it still stabs into that insecure part of him. 

 

Luckily, he has such good friends to help. (Even if it takes them a few times to understand how to properly care for him and his raging insecurities).

* * *

Yuta sat at the kitchen bench, looking over at Taeyong, who was furiously chopping vegetables.

 

“Has he been reading … them again?” the Japanese man whispered to Johnny, who was eating some chips. Johnny chewed thoughtfully, pushing the bag over to Yuta in an offering, and propped his chin up on his hand.

 

“I think so - he’s making that vegetable lasagna again. He only makes it when he’s mad.”

 

“What, the one with zucchini?”

 

“Yeah, that one.”

 

“God, I hate it.”

 

“You know I can hear you, right?” Taeyong muttered, setting the knife down (albeit roughly) and turning to face the other two. Johnny and Yuta immediately noticed the paleness of his naturally pale skin, and the red rims around his eyes. Coupled with the deep eyebags that sunk under his eyes, Lee Taeyong looked more like a zombie, than the charismatic rapper of NCT.

 

“Well, nice to know your ears are all working then,” Yuta quipped, though it fell on flat ears. Taeyong sighed and turned back to finish chopping, picking up the knife with a slight quaver to his grip. 

 

“Taeyong … what did we tell you?” Johnny asked softly, cut off by Taeyong’s slamming of the knife into the wooden chopping board, and him whipping around angrily.

 

“You told me  _ perfectly clear  _ that I shouldn’t read them! I know what you said, Youngho!” Taeyong’s voice cracked on the “ _Youngho_ ”, and his lip trembled slightly. Brown eyes were wet with unshed tears as he pushed past the Chicago giant, opening the door to his room and slamming it shut. Johnny sighed, falling back into his seat and looking over at Yuta.

 

“Well … that could’ve gone better.”

 

“You’re telling me.”

* * *

 

Taeyong sat at his desk, pencil in his mouth and paper in front of him. He’d been up for almost 2 days straight now, trying to finish this song. The others were, apparently, starting to get worried - Taeyong’s only source of connection with them, currently, was Jaehyun relaying information as he brought the older male food and drinks. 

 

He’d holed himself off so he could finish his song, but it wasn’t working his way  _ at all. _

 

Naturally, that leads to him ripping it all up and throwing it away.

 

Five minutes passed, five minutes for Taeyong to realise what an utter mistake he made, and five minutes for him to dissolve into soft sobs, burying his face in his arms. He was so emotional, he didn’t even notice the soft hand on the back of his neck, or the gentle way someone carded their fingers through his white hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. He especially didn’t notice the way he fell asleep like that, and how strong arms wrapped around him and carried him into bed, or how he fell asleep between a giant of a man, and a thin, yet wiry, foreigner with the biggest grin Taeyong had ever seen.

 

Nor did he notice in the morning, when he woke up in bed, a blanket strewn over him and no one around. (He did notice the paper taped together on his desk, though).

* * *

Taeyong really disliked himself.

 

He really did. Even though the scandal that blew up wasn’t even entirely true - Taeil had sent a link of the article that debunked almost all the things he’d been accused of - he couldn’t help but feel extreme disappointment in himself. 

 

In his younger self.

 

One of his main sources of insecurity stemmed from the mistakes he made in childhood, and he made it his personal mission to make sure the others -  _ especially _ the younger members - didn’t mess up like he did, and he was doing his best.

But, like always, insecurities always come and dash any hope Lee Taeyong ever had.

 

He was lying on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. In his mind’s eye, all the negative comments ever said to him - in person, and online - manifested in front of him, on the white ceiling. He rolled onto his side and shut his eyes, a small whimper escaping from him.

 

The tough Lee Taeyong, reduced to a whimpering mess.

 

His eyes were shut tight, his face scrunched and tense, and when Taeyong felt a warm hand against his back, he almost screamed.

 

“Shh, Taeyongie, it’s me. Yuta,” the other male whispered, gently tugging Taeyong closer to him. He refused to turn over, so Yuta just pulled his back to his chest, half propped up by the headboard. Taeyong didn’t even realise he was crying until he felt Yuta’s fingers against his cheeks, and a soft kiss pressed into his hair.

 

“I know it’s hard -  _ God,  _ you do so much for us, Taeyong, and you’ve received so much  _ shit _ in return. I know you’ve made mistakes, and you messed up in the past, but you’ve apologised, and you’ve cried. You’ve cried so much over this, I thought you’d never cry again. But then you did, when we won the Best Rookie Award last year, and I realised - as many others did, I’m sure.” Yuta climbed over Taeyong, so he could be face-to-face with the older male. Tears decorated pale cheeks, and watery eyes met with warm ones. Yuta smiled softly, gently tapping Taeyong’s cheeks.

 

“The only time we want to see you cry ever again, is when you’re crying of happiness. So, don’t waste tears over negativity, but save it for the good that we’ll do - that  _ you’ll  _ do.” Taeyong’d breathing hitched, and Yuta leaned in to press a soft kiss to his forehead, before tucking the rapper into his chest.

 

“Don’t forget, you have so many others who want to help you - we all love and care for you, Lee Taeyong. Don’t forget that.” Yuta felt Taeyong shudder, fingers gripping his shirt, and he gently ran his hands down Taeyong’s back.

 

“Johnny and Taeil are attempting to cook, and I’ll bring your dinner in, if you’re not up to it. But please, Taeyongie - stop belittling yourself. You’re not who you were a decade ago. You’re Lee Taeyong, rapper and dancer of NCT, and leader of NCT127. You  _ lead _ us, and we, in turn, lead you.” 

 

Johnny opened the door 3 hours later, to find Yuta and Taeyong asleep, Taeyong safely wrapped in Yuta’s arms. 

 

(Not unlike whenever Yuta finds Johnny and Taeyong.)

* * *

 

Taeyong isn’t the perfect human people make him out to be - he has made mistakes, and he’s done wrong things.

 

He cries easily, and he gets way too upset over mess.

 

Taeyong acts like a child sometimes, and tends to hole away for days when writing something.

 

He suffers from insecurities, from late night fears about the future, the past and everything in between.

 

But one thing he’s doing well in, is remembering that whilst he’s only one Lee Taeyong, there are others who are besides him, who are helping him.

  
And he always has his best friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reiterating, pls let me know if theres anythig in this that needs to be changed n ill change
> 
> this is a serious topic n i hope theres nothing too triggering here n that i tagged all potential triggers
> 
> enjoy n whilst dont condone what he did, pls realise ty was a decade younger when it happened and that hes apologised a lot

**Author's Note:**

> twitter; @yujohntaes


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